What's the point

Horny

Heading to Brown Bag Video in Ottawavfor some backroom action. Need to suck some cock and get mine sucked.

National coming out day

Came and went again another year. Back when I still had close friends I would struggle every year wondering if that were the year I would finally come out of the closet. But now it seems pointless. I’ve waited so long I might as well wait until my parents die and save then the hassle. What do I gain by telling people I’ve been lying to them for decades. What’s the benefit of the scenario? It’s not like I’m dating or have any prospects at all of having a gay or straight relationship.

I’d probably lose my job, or at least be even more isolated than I already am. There are no openly gay people where I work which is kind of interesting because the executives say diversity is one of our core values. They pontificate about the virtues of having higher numbers of women and minorities in the workforce and still tell queer jokes in closed meetings. I could never find another job that pays as much as I make now.

So congrats to all those who stepped up and stepped out this year. To the younger guys and gals I say do it the earlier the better. Once you reach middle age you’ll be locked into a life based on lies.

It gets better, but eventually it gets worse again. Don’t let that window pass you by.

So depressed

A few years shy of fifty. Already obvious I’ll be spending the rest if my life alone.

So horny

Rough being ugly in Chicago. Wish there were some decent glory holes around. Really need some cock this weekend.

Another year half over

It’s Pride weekend in Chicago.  Not feeling very proud.  I spend my days fantasizing what it would be like not to be physically repulsive.  Went to the parade last year and enjoyed it.  But let’s face it, I was completely alone in a crowd of half a million.  Not sure I’m up for that again this year.

On the weekends I rarely talk to anyone beyond people making change for a purchase. The closest thing I have to conversations is me commenting on someone’s Tweet. I’m often hesitant to share my true feelings on Twitter because I’m ashamed of them. Not that anyone who follows me on Twitter knows me or would recognize me in person. I’m envious of people who can just say what they think. It’s getting harder to pass as a normal person in public. If only invisibility cloaks really existed.

Sucked a few guys but no one to completion. Didn’t even try to get myself off.  The video arcade really sucked this afternoon.   Sometimes I just really want to suck a guy off.  You’d think it would be that difficult a task to complete.

I feel the lack of intimate friends most acutely when traveling.